Are You Expecting?

Don't get me wrong, it's about expecting from people and not expecting people :) . This discussion explores if we should keep expectations from our friends, loved ones, family etc. or not.

What started as my friend's advice to me, became a discussion and finally a blog. So, here it goes -

My friend wrote:

..life is best when we don’t expect anything.. the more we expect.. the more depressed we get.. We should be entirely self reliant..n help others when they need help. Maybe the person u want help from wont be there.. but for every friend lost, a better friend is made.. for such is life...

I wrote:

I know.. we should not expect.. that is the root cause of all misery, but I still don’t agree that we should not expect.. if we do not expect anything from anybody.. no friends, no family.. nobody… then we are just by ourselves, leading a solitary life. Isn’t this a form of existentialism where you don’t have anything to fall back upon?

Selflessness is good.. but is not applicable everywhere. These days, how many people do we have in the name of family? Our parents and a sibling? Parents are generally of a different era and sibling is generally indifferent. And after marriage, in most cases only the partner. If we are not allowed to expect anything from them also, then what is it that we call as "home"?

As I see it, "Live life as it comes" is same as "Live a meaningless Life". Even if you are doing charity, with no monetary or social intentions… but still you expect a smile from the needy and a blessing for you.. isn’t it?

I don’t know if I am making sense but this is something that has bothered me for long. I am fully convinced that we SHOULD expect. The question I don’t have an answer to is "how much to expect". How to decide when you are overdoing it? What separates expectation from over-expectation? Because expectation is also a relative term. What is expectation for me is possessiveness for somebody else. And what I see as my right is a breach of personal space for somebody else. That is the thing I fail to understand.

Also, it is a very difficult chemistry… I have seen this happening with myself. Some of my friends complain that I over-expect whereas others have not even felt it slightly. Some people, even if they never realize it, have this inherent quality to be at par with others’ expectations always. They simply do not leave any room for complaint. I am always sure that they will do something that they should be doing. I don’t have to tell them to do something.. it just happens as a rule. I have two such friends, probably that is why they are my closest buddies. On the other hand, there are others who could never do justice to my efforts.

My friend wrote:

All your point are VERY valid here..i really cannot contest it.. mostly cos yes, sumtimes I also become ‘possesive’ in my expectations – and sometimes I don’t like to expect at all

and this is not existentialism – it is nirvana – to live a life where you are content and happy and self-reliant. Read that essay by Ralph Waldo Emerson – read it once and it will answer these questions. Self reliance is not the same as an unhappy existence.. according to me existing comes when you expect better.. but when you cant get it

It is not easy – perhaps that's why sages reach such a stage after yrs of sacrifice, cutting away meditation etc..

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This is it. Now I am reading that essay. But before that, can I expect your thoughts on this?